Men and masturbation: how important is it?
Masturbation is something that most boys experience by adolescence and once they have tried do it for the rest of their lives. While some believe that masturbation is something you only do when a partner
is not available, most men continue to masturbate even when they are coupled. Masturbation is not a substitute for sex, it is a wonderful way to experience pleasure and enjoyment in one’s own body.
There is no ‘normal’ number of times for a man to masturbate, it can range from three times a day, to once a week or even once a month. Many men masturbate quickly to release energy and tension in the body, but a better way to experience pleasure is to take time to enjoy the sensations by letting them build up slowly. Be creative and use oil or lubricant on your genitals, set the scene with incense, aromatheraphy and candle light as this will enhance your self-loving experience. Be daring and masturbate in front of a mirror or experiment with having an orgasm with your eyes open or closed. Try using different pressure sensations around the testicles and the penis and stimulating your nipples during sexual play. Masturbating with your partner can give them a greater understanding of your pleasure zones.
Often there are feelings of guilt associated with masturbation which come from adolescence. Communicating your difficult body issues to your partner, e.g. “I feel overweight,” “I don’t like my shoulders” or “my penis is not big enough” can be very helpful in a relationship. It will let your partner know what concerns you and therefore what issues arise for you during sex. When we are by ourselves most of us use fantasy to become sexually aroused, but when this becomes the prime focus we become dissassociated from our body and it is very difficult to expand sexual pleasure.
Once you have become aroused a wonderful way to heighten your pleasure is to focus your attention on the sensations in your body and just before you feel you are about to ejaculate, stop touching yourself, relax and breath deeply. Repeat this three to four times, about 15 to 20 minutes, before you ejaculate. Become conscious of how long it takes for the sensations to build up each time. When you are able to get to orgasm slowly and deliberately you will have a much more enjoyable experience. There are also many sex toys for men which can add to your pleasure, such as warm vibrating tunnels, vibrators and anal beads. Incorporating the techniques of full body orgasm, see ‘Is to orgasm and ejaculation the same thing?’, can expand your notion of pleasure. Here are some men’s stories to inspire you.
Rob’s first experience
“We often went to my great aunt’s house after church on Sunday. There wasn’t much to do there and she and mum spoke a mixture of German, Polish and Ukranian so that my dad couldn’t follow. I was playing in the tiny front yard and since there were no trees to climb, I decided to climb the clothes pole. There were four poles about seven feet tall with a little ‘T’ at the top to wrap the clothes line around. I ran from pole to pole, trying to grab the ‘T’. As I shimmied up the third pole, I realized that it felt really, really good. There was a bulge in my pants, and I clung tightly to the steel pole as I ascended so that I would make firm contact with the cool pole. Mom yelled at me to stop so I wouldn’t dirty my pants, but I had found a new and wonderful toy.”
“We visited my aunt and uncle in Chicago every summer. I was in the bath on a warm afternoon and got aroused, so I tried my hand at using thick soap suds to masturbate. It was a very new feeling. I soaped up more and stroked faster and faster to a fevered pitch. I really wanted to come, and was working up a real sweat with the soap trying to make it to happen. Right before coming my uncle walked into the bathroom and saw me with the goods in hand. He simply said ‘Oh, I thought you were brushing your teeth’ and left. I was mortified, but I long remembered the non-judgemental way he reacted to this act of pleasure.”
“I was home sick with a sore throat. As I lay in bed, I noticed that my spit was really thick, perhaps a reaction to my inflamed throat. I put some on my hand and started rubbing my cock, just around the head, slowly spreading the spit little by little. I donned my clothes and snuck off into the woods behind our house. Leaning against the base of a huge oak tree, I extracted as much spit as I could and bathed my throbbing cock lightly in self-made lube. I caressed and tried different ways of stroking. This was the first time that I really took my time and experimented. The waves of ecstasy as I ejaculated had me gasping out loud. There was even more pleasure the longer I played. I didn’t mind sore throats so much after that.”