Premature ejaculation is coming sooner than you want and feeling that you have no control. Most men will experience this at least once in their lifetime. When it is only an occasional experience, because you have felt highly excited, a loss of control is not a problem. But when it occurs frequently you may begin to feel you are not able to satisfy yourself or your partner. This may lead to your partner feeling frustrated, which can make you feel even more pressured.
An essential part of understanding what is happening is to notice how your body is responding as you get closer to ejaculation. You will find there are different sensations at different levels of arousal. Slowing down and taking time to notice the different feelings can not only be informative but pleasurable. It is important to talk about sex in a non-sexual situation because you will feel more relaxed than raising sexual issues during lovemaking.
Men have a band of sexual energy around the genitals and therefore most men become very tense when they ejaculate. Relaxation is the key to changing this. As you become turned on taking easy deep breaths will allow these sensations to build up more gradually and help you to relax. Moving the hands, arms, legs and feet, even shaking the head can interrupt the tightening that brings on ejaculation. Some men use sexual fantasies as a way of disconnecting from their body, which makes it difficult to elongate ejaculation.
The method I advise starts by becoming turned on, initially through fantasy, then concentrating on the feelings and sensations in the body and not disconnecting from it. Bring yourself almost to orgasm and just before you feel you are about to ejaculate, stop touching yourself for a moment and relax, breathing deeply. Repeat this a few times and see how long it takes for the sensations to build up. After about 15-20 minutes allow yourself to come. The fact that you have built up to an orgasm slowly and deliberately will result in a much more enjoyable experience. The next step is to incorporate this stop/start technique into sex with your partner. Some men utilize a variation of the stop/start method known as the squeeze technique. This is when you grasp the area below the glans between the thumb and forefinger and squeeze for a few seconds.
Often in lovemaking a man can be preoccupied with satisfying his partner and can loose awareness of their body. This technique allows you to focus on your body sensations, which is essential to changing your sexual arousal pattern. Once you feel confident with this then taking it into a sexual situation with another will help you enormously. During lovemaking you need to come back to yourself and focus on your sensations as well as your partner’s.
Kegel exercises help a lot. They are rhythmic contractions, done by holding and relaxing the pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle) of the pelvic floor. You can locate these muscles by stopping and starting the flow of urine. The muscles that you use to do this are the pubococcygeus ones. Contract and hold for a slow count of five, then release for the
same amount of time. Do this 20 times. Gradually increase the time and number of contractions to 100. Strengthening these muscles gives men more control over their erection, as well as making them capable of feeling more pleasure.
There is an effective Taoist technique which is helpful for preventing ejaculation. Breath in from your perineum, the band of skin between your scrotum and your anus, and imagine a stream of light going from your genitals up your spine to the top of your head. Then hold your breath for a couple of seconds, clench your PC muscle and then as you relax imagine the stream of life coming down the front of your body and out through your belly button. If you do this correctly you will lose your erection and not ejaculate, which means you can go back to love making and build up the energy again. This is a are very good exercise for men experiencing premature ejaculation, impotence, anxiety or simply want to enhance the pleasurable feelings of sex.
Marcel who was in his mid-30s had always suffered from premature ejaculation. His lovemaking normally lasted for an average of three minutes. During our session I explained the above techniques and he incorporated them into his masturbation. When he returned three weeks later he said that he was able to make love for twenty minutes and masturbate for hours without ejaculation.